When the Lord was creating Police Officers, he was well in to his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and said “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around with this one.”
The Lord said, “Have you seen the specs on this order”? A police officer has to be able to run five miles through alley ways in the dark, scale walls, enter homes that the health inspector wouldn’t touch, and not wrinkle his uniform.”
“He has to be able to sit in an undercover car all day on a stakeout, cover a homicide scene that night, canvass the neighbourhood for witnesses, and give evidence in court the next day.”
“He has to be in top physical condition at all times, running on black coffee and half-eaten meals, and he has to have six pairs of hands.”
The angel shook her head slowly and said, “six pairs of hands…….no way.”
“It’s not the hands that are causing me the problems,” said the Lord, “It’s the three pairs of eyes an officer has to have.”
“That’s on a standard model?” asked the angel.
The Lord nodded. “One pair that sees through a bulge in a pocket before he asks, “May I see what’s in there sir?” (When he already knows and wishes he had taken the accountancy job.)
“Another pair here in the side of his head for his partner’s safety. And another pair here in the front that can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and tell them that everything is going to be O.K when he knows it isn’t so.
“Lord,” said the angel, touching his sleeve, “rest and work on this tomorrow.”
“I can’t.” said the Lord, “I already have a model that can talk a 19 stone drunk in to the back of his patrol car without incident and can support a family of five on a civil servant’s salary.
The angel circled the model of the police officer very slowly, “can it think?” she asked.
“You bet,” said the Lord. “It can tell you the points to prove for a hundred crimes, recite definitions in its sleep, detain, investigate, search and arrest a gang member on the street faster than it takes five learned judges to debate the legality of the stop…….and still it keeps its sense of humour.”
“This officer also has phenomenal personal control. He can deal with crime scenes painted in hell, coax a confession from a child abuser, comfort a murder victim’s family, and then read in the daily papers how law enforcement isn’t sensitive to the rights of criminal suspects.”
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the police officer. “There’s a leak,” she pronounced. “I told you that you were trying to fit too much into this model.”
“That’s not a leak,” said the Lord, “It’s a tear.”
“What’s the tear for?” asked the angel.
“It’s for bottled up emotions they think they can’t show for relationships sacrificed for the job.”
“You’re a genius” said the angel.
The Lord looked sombre. “I didn’t put it there,” he said.
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